Monday, November 1, 2010

Getting From One Place to Another Sucks

I thought I'd share a list of grievances from my day to day life involving public transit, and things related to it, because everybody loves listening to people complain!

Bikes on Crowded Subways

I don't get it.

I thought people rode bikes in the city so they wouldn't have to take the train. But, assuming they have a legitimate reason behind transporting a bike without riding it, like "I need to deliver this to a museum and I don't know how to ride it" or "I'm an asshole", Seeing someone fight their bike onto a train when it's already crowded makes me groan, quietly of course.

Because the number one rule in the subway is "Shut the hell up and mind your own god damn business". 

If you're going to take your bike somewhere, why not just ride it there? It's like people that drive to the gym to run on a treadmill and then drive home. Isn't that two extra steps? 

Like I said, I'm sure some of these people have legitimate reasons. Just stay off the train during rush hour.

Unless it's raining.

Fighting to Get Off the Train, then Moving Slow as Hell

We've all got places to be. I've been late for plenty of things so I realize how stressful it can be. So when I'm ready to step off a train and some pushy dipshit fights to get right in front of the doors so they can burst forth from the train and regain a few more precious seconds in an effort to not get fired, I'll let them go. *DING* Doors open, they liberate themselves from the train in a heroic fashion, and shuffle towards the steps. 

Then up the steps they go at about .0000000001 miles per hour. 

I'll be out of your way in just a moment..
Now I don't have a problem with slow pokes on steps either. Since living in NYC, and seeing thousands of pedestrians daily, I've learned that some people walk much, much slower than I ever thought possible. That's cool, I've gotten used to it. But if you're going to push me out of the way to get to these steps first, you best be taking said steps two at a time.

Unless it's raining.

Two People Taking Up a 15 Foot Wide Sidewalk

The first time this happened to me I thought it was funny. "Haha! Look at these two people! This sidewalk is SO WIDE and somehow I CAN'T PASS!" I thought it to be some odd fluke of nature. Then I noticed it started happening a lot. Quite a bit. Way too often. 

How does it happen? Well, the people are more often of the more rotund persuasion, and then other factors like grocery bags and other accouterments, or how much they oscillate back and forth contribute to the phenomenon. Here's a little chart to illustrate my predicament:

There's an opening, I briskly walk towards it, and someone waddles into my way, so I double back, and the other waddles into my way. The only way to get past the oblivious galumphing obstructions is to walk into the street or dart around and in between them enough so as to draw unwanted attention to yourself. Seriously, if there are only two of you there's no way you should be blocking a whole sidewalk. 

Unless you're these guys.

By the way, if you're wondering what happened to that first fellow on the bike:

He's fine.

  Another installment to come.


  1. Your blogs are great. You ever think about signing up for a Google Adsense account and make money just by having somebody read these?

  2. Maybe after I get a few more posts under my belt.