Clowns Aren't Scary

Well, they aren't supposed to be anyway. But do a google image search for "clowns" and look at the first one. Now why the hell is that first? I've always associated clowns with birthday parties and circuses, not death and nightmares. But it seems these days everyone's gut reaction to clowns is "creepy" instead of "jubilant".

Sorry buddy, PS why are you on bread?

Now, coulrophobia, fear of clowns, is different. Some people have some weird ass phobias, that's fine. I don't know the basis of it, maybe you saw a clown kill somebody when you were young? Maybe the first time you got really sick you...saw a clown kill somebody? I don't know, unless one killed somebody I guess the association is just lost on me. But the point is, some people are afraid of heights, some people are afraid of spiders, and some people are afraid of weird shit like clowns, or peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth, or this. Whatever your irrational phobia, there's some deep seated psychological shit happening, and you can't control it.

I'm going to murder your whole family!

But like I said before, it seems the gut reaction to clowns these days for everyone is to be creeped out. How did that happen? I remember a birthday party when I was younger, where this clown did all these awesome juggling tricks, pierced balloons without popping them, and told jokes and blah blah everybody loved it! I can only assume most people's direct experience with clowns involves something of a similar nature, so where did the fear come from? 

Oh..right.

Hollywood! Look at their depiction of clowns throughout the years. Pennywise, The Joker, The Jigsaw Puppet, movies like "Fear of Clowns" and "Dead Clowns". All evil! There aren't any movies like "Clown Saves the Day!" or "The Well Respected Clown Chronicles". Hollywood portrays clowns so negatively that it's no wonder most people above the age of six don't really do the clown thing for birthdays anymore. But, there have to be other factors right? Of course!

Haha!

No seriously though, this guy

John Wayne Gacy was a clown, and whoops! Also a serial killer, and we are a nation of fear. We know that there could be a million clowns out there making the world a better place, but all it takes is one asshole clown to come along and kill people and suddenly every other clown out there must also be a serial killer right? 

It's all explained in here somewhere.

You know, it's kind of like that time that one car crashed so everybody assumed all cars were unsafe and pursued other means of transportation for the rest of their lives. 


I guess America thought that the love of clowns was expendable, so just to be safe, we needed to be cautious of clowns everywhere and not let them near our children. Well need I remind you of Mr. Upset Clown Sandwich?

WTF CLOWN. GET OUT OF MY TOAST. 

We're seriously affecting the livelihood of clowns everywhere. What if clowns are on their way out? When some little boy discovers his propensity for juggling and unicycle riding and expresses his insatiable desire to go to clown college, how are you supposed to tell them to abandon their dreams? It doesn't need to be that way. Show clowns some love again, or pretty soon they'll all get sad and find their way into our bread. 

Seriously what the fuck