This One Time, Someone Stole my Bike

I was never the kid with all the cool shit. As angry as that made me in my younger years, I feel it has no doubt shaped my personality for the better. It taught me the value of working for things that you want. Also I could probably kick your ass at super mario world, because I was still playing it even after playstation and N64 came out. 

Yeah motherfucker.

However, every once in awhile I did get something awesome, so I cherished it. One of those awesome things was a new bike, which I got for my 12th birthday. I'd had bikes before, but this was a fucking.. bike. It cost hundreds of dollars more than my previous bikes, which is a lot of money when you're 12. 


Those previous bikes I just mentioned in that paragraph up there got all shitty really fast, so my dad figured "Hell, we'll get him a more expensive bike that will last awhile. This will probably save money in the long run."  

And I'll finally complete my solid gold pyramid.

The model was a trek, and some numbers. I don't remember what the numbers were, but I seem to remember everyone else's trek had higher numbers. Whatever, my bike was fucking green and it was a 24 speed and it kicked ass.  


Now that I had a bike that was built properly I could ride faster and harder without fear of parts falling off it. Plus, I wore a helmet, which made me indestructible. 

Indestructible...

Since I was indestructible,  I would take this bike down the steepest hills on earth as fast as possible, and take it for rides on gnarly trails, off buildings etc... I can't remember if I named my bike, but I wasn't very cool when I was 12 so the answer is probably yes. 


Then one day it all came crashing down. 

For you visual learners.

I'd had my bike for about a year, and one day I went to fetch it from the shed behind my house, and it was gone. 


"Oh, someone must've brought it inside for some reason." Nope. 


"Okokok..*panicking* maybe I rode it somewhere, immediately forgot I rode it there and then walked home?" Nope, that shit only happened when you were drunk, and I was 12. 


Hmm, no way it could've been stolen. That doesn't happen...ok well it does, but not to me. 


I refused to accept it. Then later, we found out a couple of neighbors also had their bikes stolen. So, finally it sunk in. Some worthless bag of shit had stolen my bike. I guess that someone wanted to die, because they had just made an otherwise innocent 12 year old capable of murder.  

I pictured myself walking down the street, and spotting the thief on my bike. Then I pictured that person getting hit by a train. I pictured them owning a new hot air balloon, taking it for a spin, and crashing it into high voltage electrical wiring. I pictured them accidentally shitting their pants in a really public place. I pictured them buying a brand new car, then somehow finding out it was pre-owned. I pictured them going to the store only to find out their favorite brand of peanut butter was out of stock. I pictured them with a pathological fear of bread, then meeting the girl of their dreams, only to find out she works in a bakery. I pictured them buying a new pair of pants then gaining a bunch of weight and the pants not fitting anymore. I pictured them not knowing how to swim and getting invited to a pool party. I pictured them liking lame music and everyone finding out. I pictured them being allergic to love. 


These were the things that got me through.


I never found out who it was. If you have any information, please email me.