Saturday, November 6, 2010

More Public Transit Gripes!

Of course I have more than three complaints about public transit. If I thought about it, I could probably come up with more than three complaints for just about anything. Anyway, here they are. 

Stopping in the Stairwell to Use your Phone

I know it's hard to not be constantly connected to everyone all the time, so when you're about to be disconnected from pretty much everything for practically forever, you want to get some use out of your phone since you may never be able to use it ever again. So yes! It makes sense that right outside the subway you find people on their phones! But stay out of the fucking stairwell! 

A lot of times the stairs are about as wide as one and a half people, so when some asshole has stopped in the middle of it..

And it's just one of those things where the culprit never seems to notice, and nobody ever seems to say "MOVE YOUR ASS!" We all just go "diddly doo, whoops! Someone's in the way! I'll just steepppp riiighhtt around them and *15 minutes later* there!" 

Maybe one day I'll be a senile old man and will take care of the problem.

This'll teach em.

The Fact that Someone Figured Out that Opening the Emergency Exit in the Subway and Setting Off that Annoying-Ass Alarm will be Met with No Resistance from the Proper Authorities Whatsoever

It's true, if you want to see someone that just does. not. give. a. fuck. go visit any one of the hundreds of subway stations. 

Leave me the fuck alone.
I've seen plenty of people jump the turnstile in full view of these agents, and what happens? Not a damn thing. (Jump the turnstile in front of an undercover cop however, and you're FUCKED.) 

So of course, it gets a little clogged sometimes getting off the train. And maybe there's only one turnstile, or revolving door. Haha fuck that! 

Give someone a way to get out up to three seconds faster, and they're all over that shit, alarm or not. I don't think I've ever seen someone reserve this door for an emergency. It should just be labeled "Annoying Exit", because whoever designed the alarm must have been thinking "Let's see how about we take everything that's awful about the world and put it into alarm form." 

And what does the station agent, likely advised to enforce against such misuse of the emergency exit do? 

"Hmm, there goes that sound again for some reason..."
Not a damn thing.

The Smell

Imagine the worst thing you've ever smelled. Now take a shit on it. 

Actually, that's not technically correct. "Pee on it" is more on the mark. And it's more like "pee on it, then put it in the microwave, then wait one hundred years." 

I've smelled stale urine in this city far, far more often than I'd like to, which come to think of it is never, but there's nothing I can do about it. In the subway, there are no toilets around, because a bathroom in the subway late a night might as well be called the "murder room". So no toilets, and there are way more people that need to piss than there are people that can say "hey don't piss there" so obviously the smell is gonna get out of hand from time to time. 

Sometimes it happens when you least expect it. You're minding your own business, walking through what seems to be a reasonably clean subway station in the middle of the day, when suddenly

WHAM. Piss. 

The Honking Never Stops

You can get honked at for anything here. It's just the New York City motorist zeitgeist. These aren't friendly honks either. No *beep beep* "pardon me sir, you don't seem to notice you're in my way". It's more like


And a lot of times for nothing at all. The light turns green, and 3 seconds later the dude 14 cars back DEMANDS to know why he's not moving yet. "IT'S FUCKING GREEN WHY DO WE STILL HAVE TRAFFIC IN THE 21ST CENTURY?!!" 


The best is when people honk for upwards of 10 seconds. I like when that happens, because I can't help but imagine how unbelievably upset the person driving must be to honk for that long.

That's all for now folks. I'm sure I'll think of some more later.

1 comment:

  1. Hahaha. Awesome. More than three complaints about everything ever please!