Thursday, March 17, 2011

Left Handed-ness

HEY. I'm a lefty. This puts me with about 10% of the population. Does this make me special? You bet. 

To begin, why are so few people lefties? Well, This dude thinks that higher levels of testosterone in the womb might lead to becoming a lefty, which apparently doesn't happen often? Testosterone stunts brain growth on the left side, so neurons looking for a place to settle scoot on over to the right, which controls the left side of the body. So basically, leftiness is linked to high testosterone, which means people like me are manly as hell. 

So what about female lefties? Well I didn't think of that until I was in the middle of that joke just now, so I'm going to leave that one hanging.

Some Background
What comes with left-handedness on a large scale? What trends exist among us? Well for one, apparently we're better with spatial awareness. I'm definitely good at that. I can tell you with one-hundred percent certainty that I am not floating in space, and I am "aware" of this fact. However, we also tend to have higher incidents of dyslexia and learning disorders. Drag. (Bet you expected some dyslexia joke huh? Haha fuck yuo.)

Also, historically, people hated us. The negative word sinister is derived from a word originally meaning left. Does this mean I want to kill you? Probably. Also, the positive word dexterous is derived from a word originally meaning right. So when you say "ambidexterous" you're saying both sides are as good as the right. 

There are a whole host of other historical parallels between left-bad and right-good, but I'm assuming you didn't come here for a fucking history lesson.

I've also heard that back in the day, teachers would discourage left-handedness by forcing lefties to switch to their right hand, because god dammit if they were going to allow something trivial with no negative consequences whatsoever go unpunished.

What's my experience with left handedness? Just a bunch of little shit that's common among all lefties.  

  • When I meet a fellow lefty, I may do things like high five them, or exchange an admiring glance that communicates acceptance, now that I know there is another member in the exclusive club. Haha, I jest. 
  • I smudge my handwriting due to constantly dragging my hand through it. This can lead the entire side of my hand to turn the color of the ink I'm using, or gray if I'm using a pencil.
  • This makes writing with quill pens fucking impossible.
  • I'm pretty confused by the term "southpaw". 
  • Yeah yeah, lefty pitchers end up facing south in traditional ball parks, but it's still weird.
  • It's such a specific reference.
  • I don't have paws.
  • When using right handed tools with my left hands, I look retarded.
  • I wear my watches on my right hand.
  • I mean in general, I don't wear more than one watch.
  • I actually don't wear any.
  • When in a restaurant, I try to sit on a far left side so I don't constantly bump elbows with the person next to me (assuming they're a righty).
  • I almost always fail at this.
  • I lead with my left hand playing drums, but I play a right handed setup, so for awhile it was all fucked up.
  • School desks built for righties were a pain in the ass.
  • Something written on a pen or pencil will always be upside down when writing with the left hand.

So as you can see, just a bunch of insignificant stuff. 

So if you're a lefty, tell me! We'll throw a party, and none of you right handed people can come.

Just kidding, you can come. You probably won't be as spatially aware as us, but you know, it's cool.

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