Why I Don't Watch The Jersey Shore

I bet you expected some elitist holier-than-thou spiel. Haha fuck you and your pre-conceptions right in the mouth.


No, I choose not to watch it because I'd probably like it.

TV producers are vile scum that know exactly what people want to watch and for this reason I hate them. My ideal life would be sipping various flavors of punch while meditating in peaceful solitude. I would reflect on life's greater questions and become more spiritually fulfilled with each passing day. But, I don't have time for that bullshit because too often I find myself wondering, "Hey what's on TV?" So you see, TV producers have stolen my life, in a manner of speaking. 

This could've been me.

But, in an effort to find some sort of middle ground, I have to choose which shows to watch, and which shows not to watch. I've basically whittled it down to sports, mythbusters, the office...uh, some other comedies, blah blah etc.. Basically I watch things that I don't get too attached to, lest I start sacrificing more important things to keep up. Trashy TV like the Jersey Shore is (probably?) entertaining, and that's precisely why I avoid it. I know if I watch just one episode, I'll probably get all wrapped up in it. 

It was this or a mummy.

Now since I've never actually seen it, I'm going to make some assumptions. If I'm wrong, there's no need to inform me. I don't care.


So, maybe the people on the show are dumb as bricks! Maybe that's why everyone loves them! They're like stupid dogs that shit all over the house, and you want so badly to hate them for doing it, but then they look up at you with an expression that clearly communicates "I haven't done anything wrong right? I like bananas!" or something, and then aw shucks, you can't stay mad. But why? Here's muh theory:


Everyone loves a little authenticity in the people they hang out with, artists they follow, music they listen to, and people they watch on TV. Some TV producer that knows this found a bunch of people that have been spoiled their whole lives, and have gained so little perspective, that minor insignificant problems somehow escalate into giant displays of emotion. It doesn't matter that these people have blown everything out of proportion. However misplaced, their feelings are real, and we love to watch. 

NO! I told you a LARGE coke. A LARGE! YOU FUCKING AWFUL AWFUL PERSON

Now, some might put minor skirmishes into perspective and resolve to quickly get over their troubles, but you know what? They'd be boring as hell to watch. Nobody wants to watch someone sitting at home saying "My girlfriend's having a bad day. I think I'll stay out of her hair and read quietly." No, we want "BITCH WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?" and a fistfight. And once you start sharing these experiences with the people you're watching, you get attached. You connect with them. You pick sides. As much as I hate to say it, I know I would get emotionally invested in these people, so I choose not to watch. 




(Plus they all make more money than doctors, teachers, firefighters, scientists, police officers, soldiers, most artists, and most musicians all for getting drunk and getting into trouble, which is kind of annoying.)