Sunday, April 3, 2011

My Analysis of More Strange Facts

I'm drinking beer out of a giant goblet as I write this. Just wanted to share that.

Since the last one of these was fun, let's do it again! And probably some more after this one! You know what? Let's just keep doing this til it's not fun anymore.

Until we are but clinging to the shattered remnants of our former lives.

Take a Room with 100 American Women, 4 of them Probably Aren't Wearing Underwear
No I didn't read this in a penthouse. How could I read that with all the pages stuck together?

So I have to wonder, who gathered this data? And how? Is this just a roundabout way of saying 4 percent of women don't wear underwear? Or did the author of this study repeatedly fill a room with 100 women and start asking personal questions? And finally, how I can search for this study without mostly finding porn?

Well, this was pretty much impossible to find out more about. Certain sites would give a figure of 3.9%, while others said 53%, which while awesome, probably isn't true. The most definitive thing I could find was this page that showed 2% of men and 4% of women prefer "other styles" than those listed, which I suppose could include commando. That 4% conveniently matches up with the original fact, but I think I need to do some further research. I'm completely willing to check, but I just gotta warn everyone that an accident I had a few years back prevents me from checking with anything but my face.

In 1983 a Japanese Artist Made a Copy of the Mona Lisa Entirely with Toast
It's so rare that art and toast mix, so I was excited to look this one up. Assuming this one's true, I wonder how inspiration hit? Was it as simple as he was eating some toast while reading about the Mona Lisa, when he suddenly thought "I have no friends"?

Well, This site displays the same fact, only it says it was 1982. His name was (and probably still is) Tadahiko Ogawa. So you know, case closed, or is it? Check this shit out:

This is also a mona lisa made from toast, but it was made by a different guy. That's right, multiple Toasta Lisas. And as you can see, this guy took a few creative liberties. If you're at all interested, this link shows the process in a bit more detail, and proves that if you put your mind to it, you can create some pretty pointless shit. 

But wait. If this guy was a toast art purist, he wouldn't have resorted to mere copies of other famous works right? Sounds like a sellout to me. Nope, here's an entire fucking gallery of toast art. 

Before I get any more upset about that existing, let's just abandon this one.

Flamingoes Hold Their Heads Upside Down Because it's the Only Way They Can Eat
This sounds like a huge drag. Imagine what our dinner tables would look like if we had a similar problem? Well, I guess they'd look the same actually. 

I thought evolution was in place to prevent inconvenient traits like this from persevering. Wouldn't it be more advantageous to not have to awkwardly position yourself to eat? Suppose you get hungry and start doing your upside down thing and a bear comes lumbering out of the woods. You're fucking oblivious because all of your brainpower is focused on trying not to look so stupid while eating in such a dumb way, and then *chomp* you're dead. And you know what? The bear doesn't have to awkwardly bend it's neck around to eat you. 

Hey look at me! I'm fucking STUPID.

Well it's true. Here's a site that explains it. Apparently it involves mouth boners.

The First Known Contraceptive was Crocodile Dung, Used by Egyptians in 2000 BC
Before I get to the whole "looking this up" part, that sentence implies that other contraceptives were possibly used before that, but kept a secret. I also have to wonder how the Egyptians conveyed that crocodile dung was used in this way. Why would they bother to write about it? Just the insatiable human need to catalog things I guess.

Or maybe they drew a picture:

Spot on knowledge of hieroglyphics.

Wow. Egyptians sucked at drawing/math. 

Ok, so let's get some background. See, I originally assumed this worked as a contraceptive only in that nobody would want to have sex with a girl if her vag was smeared with shit. Then I wondered if maybe it was actually a condom fashioned out of crocodile shit, so used because of it's elastic properties? Then I wondered, maybe they had to eat it, and it somehow caused a chemical reaction that made them temporarily infertile? But that's not very scientific either, because it's no mystery why the guy that's eating shit isn't getting laid. Then I realized I'd been thinking about crocodile shit for too long, and got depressed.

Here is a site that explains it in a bit more detail, if you're interested. Turns out the dung was mixed with a few things to make a sort of shit cocktail tampon, and wouldn't you know it? No babies! Isn't learning fun?

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