Sunday, January 2, 2011

Holiday Bar

When you're home for the holidays, there's all kinds of catching up to be done. So what does everybody do? Go to the bar and see old friends! And by old friends, I mean "people you'd hoped to never see again." Let's be honest. After several years go by, the number of people you actually do want to see has dwindled a bit. But for those people, yes, the bar seems like the thing to do. Why? Let's look at some more pros and cons.

Pro - You Can Be as Loud as you Want

Ok, well almost. Don't be an asshole.

Let's say you're drinking by yourself. Maybe you realize "your job sucks" or "you're drinking by yourself" and you start yelling angrily and throwing things. If you live in an apartment building, or live in a house but have neighbors with really good hearing, you might get the cops called on you. At the bar, you have to yell because the music is so loud, and your penetrating gaze can only say so much. And since you probably aren't drinking by yourself at the bar, hopefully the only things you'll be throwing are "back shots". If you do get carried away, and happen to throw some glasses or punches, fuck it it's not your stuff/face. 

Con - The Drinks are Way More Expensive in this Setting
Want to get wasted at home? Go to the store and spend probably less than ten dollars on some cheap beer. Want to get wasted at the bar? Spend five times as much. It's understandable though, that shit is on draft. And liquor? Twenty five dollars for a decent bottle of whiskey, with holds about fifteen to twenty shots. A shot of decent whiskey at the bar is at least four dollars, but probably more. So we're talking at least sixty dollars for a bottle, but again probably more. But this is also understandable, 'cause the girl pouring it has nice cleavage. 

These bar prices aren't even including tip, which you have to do, because even though you're already spending about five times as much for the same shit, you're an asshole if you don't drop at least a dollar more per drink in tips. I get it though, bartenders have to deal with some tricky stuff like, "pouring drink into glass" or "removing cap from bottle, lest the patron bring bottle to lips and experience lack of beer pouring forth." 

Pro - You Don't Have to Clean Up After Yourself
Let's go back to you drinking alone. Suppose you've really got some sorrows that need drowning, and you really go for it that night (or day?) When you end up vomiting everywhere and passing out, the bad news is you still live there. Someone's gonna have to clean up that puke. And after you've done a half-assed job cleaning that up, you've still got to take care of all those empty bottles. 

Feel free to get creative though.

This problem is even worse if you happen to have a friend or two drinking with you. Go to the bar and your empty bottles and glasses are magically whisked away by someone that hates their job! And if you puke, you've got a shot a ducking back into the crowd, putting on a fake mustache and then "discovering" the puke later, saying things like "well I never!" or "I say!" then positioning your monocle back into place as you sip daintily from your glass of cabernet sauvignon.  

Con - You Can't Sleep at the Bar

Hmm, well again, I guess shouldn't is the word..

Unless you're really good at hiding, a skill which decreases significantly the more you drink,

Source: Time Magazine.
you'll eventually have to suck it up and endure the ride/walk home. This necessary end is always hanging over your head and can prevent you from truly enjoying yourself.  

Pro - Pool and Darts
These can be fun, and you probably don't have a pool table or dartboard at home. If you do, might I suggest opening a bar at your house? 

Con - Bars Close
Some earlier than others, which means at some point you've gotta get the fuck out, unless like I mentioned, you're good at hiding. 

Providing you pace yourself, you can drink by yourself at your house all god damn night.

Pro - Where the Fuck Else are you Gonna Go?
Seriously, what are your other options? If nobody you know is throwing a sweet party (which if you suck, is probably true) then the only options you have besides the bar are..hmm off the top of my head I guess the woods? Or an empty parking lot? Depending on where you live those options might either be way too cold, or nonexistent. 

So I guess suck it up and go to the bar, or get some cool friends that throw sweet parties. 

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