Friday, October 29, 2010

Owls, because what better way to start a blog off on the right foot?

So owls occupy that odd space in the world of being hilarious and also terrifying. Allow me to demonstrate:

They're just very odd creatures. They seem to have two expressions. Angry as hell, and surprised as hell. I dare you to find a picture of an owl where its expression can be characterized as something besides those two. 

I remember going on a bird sanctuary field trip while in elementary school. Well, I have only one actual memory of the place, so I guess the first sentence should read "I remember being at a bird sanctuary once, and can only assume how I got there". The memory is of the smallest breed of owl. I remember even as a small child thinking "wow that thing is fucking cute even though it kind of looks like it wants to murder me." I learned that they have pinpoint accuracy hearing, and such large eyes so they can hunt effectively. I seem to remember the dude with the owl saying 

"Humans can tell 'hey that sound came from that tree', while owls can tell 'hey that sound came from that tree, third branch from the top on the right side on the second leaf from the end'".

You fuckers don't stand a chance. 

Remember that scene from Milo and Otis?

I also learned that they can't move their eyes in their sockets, so they make up for this by being able to turn their heads just about 360°. You know, just like those creepy dolls from your nightmares. 

Along with the fact that they always look angry, they possess the tools to find you no matter where you try to hide, and they can turn their heads all the way around, I'm sure you all remember the fact that they regurgitate what they can't digest. That's right, nature doesn't make them pay for being savage enough to swallow furry little creatures whole. They just think "Fuck it, I'll just vomit up the bones and hair later and be no worse for wear!"

So, I've outlined all of their scary and/or disgusting features for you.

I still kind of want one as a pet. 

Oh and don't be scared about the cute little mice.

He'll protect them.

1 comment:

  1. Instead of working, Annie & Molly are perusing owl pictures. Thanks.

    Challenge to your theory: